The 111th Military Intelligence Brigade is like a drunken boxer who persists in punching his own mirrored image in the face thinking he’s winning the fight. The rest of Big Army sits in wonder looking at the spectacle. Here are some recent –but by no means exceptional- examples:
- A year or so ago, sitting at the bar of my favorite steak place, a man to my left (let’s call him “Carl) is visiting Sierra Vista from San Diego as a consultant to the 111th M.I. Brigade on a piece of technology being considered by the Colonels and Lieutenant Colonels hiding out in faux jobs at Kelly Ops (the birthplace of almost as many “idea fairies” as TRADOC). So after telling “Carl” I taught at the Brigade I ask what he was asked to consult about. Turns out he was paid to consult on a piece of technology that isn’t really critical to the mission of turning mostly open-source information into actionable targeting for actual operators –nor is it a classified program – but it really looks cool so the colonels and lieutenant colonels have to have it so their briefings look really spiffy!
“Carl” tells me in shocked amazement he sat back in the Kelly Ops conference room listening to lesser ranking officers (captains and majors) who “got it” making suggestions to make the thing work and seeing higher ranking officers (lieutenant colonels and colonels) shoot down their ideas because “they don’t like it”. “Carl” said “You never see this in private enterprise! Not if you want to stay in business! I got the strong sense that when I was asked my opinion I was expected to tell the colonel exactly what he wanted to hear instead of telling him he has all have the answers right in front of him if he and his cronies would shut up and listen to the people who know what they are talking about!” [The night was to too short to get into the Osprey and Bradley]
2. Reminds me of another conversation I had with a man who was very proud of giving a briefing on how to fix DCGS – Distributed Common Ground System (see Google). This system is one of thousands of which President Ronald Reagan said “The surest proof of eternal life is a government program”. DCGS was broken when I retired from the Army at Ft. Huachuca in 1996. It was broken when I came back as a mobilized retiree in 2006-7. It is apparently still broken twenty years later! It certainly has provided job security for more than a few contractors long past their usefulness. It’s one of those programs used as a refuge for slotting “favored sons” rather than terminating their contract or retiring them from active duty. His solutions for fixing DCGS, by the way, were the exact same solutions proffered by his predecessors twenty years ago. Ahhh, the military-Industrial Complex! It’s a good gig if you can get it! (by knowing someone -in either the literal or Biblical sense) or are a “ring knocker” West Point graduate.
3. I was at my favorite sports bar watching football when I noticed a guy staring at me two tables away. “What?” I asked. “I think I know you” he said. Turns out he works at the Douglas Port of Entry where I had worked and he had read my book – recognized my mug shot on the back. I turned to his buddy and asked where he worked. “FORGET ABOUT IT!” roared the bald, bearded maggot. I leaned back in my seat and said “I am so sick of you M.I. people acting like super spooks – spies in your own mind”. I spent a few minutes having an amiable conversation with the guy who works at my alma mater. As they left I shook hands with him and ignored the super spook – despite learning he was a former Marine. But the maggot Marine turned to me and extended his hand so I shook it and said “Say hello to so-and-so.” “Oh! Uh, really! Uh, yeah, I will” he said. He was dumbfounded someone besides current members of his “secret society” knew about them. I knew where the spooked-out maggot worked. He didn’t know that I know one of his supervisors, was given a guided tour of the place and considered briefly for a job there. If you M.I. legends-in-your-own-minds have to compensate for your insecurities by telling others “forget about it” or “I can’t tell you” you really need some therapy…or a soft, cuddly teddy bear. It really doesn’t sit well with real high-speed, low-drag operators.
By the way, the forest-green polo shirts and khaki pants “uniform” is great cover! Way to blend in!
