Just when I was beginning to realize most Americans should be wearing masks – especially the WalMartians – here comes another Fauci Crusade for Congressional Cash (FCCC). Since the United States morphed into a Soviet-style Gulag only Stalin could appreciate Americans have had nothing to do but sit on their asses all day. There are things they could be doing of course but, most Americans being pity-party, disability addicts, they don’t have the imagination to get off their gluteus maximuses – unless its to walk to the mailbox seeking the next government bribe buying their loyalty to the tidal wave of Socialism sweeping the nation.
This next pandemic was inevitable. It has been building for decades starting with the elimination of physical ed classes at schools. It snowballed from there as technology replaced physical activity and neurotic, orthorexic moms instilled food phobias that made generations of kids smaller and weaker than the generation raised on the five basic food groups – including, of all things, milk (remember the “builds strong bones” commercials?). It culminated in most Army enlistees not being able to pass basic PT tests – those few who can even qualify for military service. It was only logical and natural that this next scourge on humanity should follow from generations of couch potatoes and snowflakes. Dr. Fauci will announce the next pandemic as soon as it is discovered how much statistical flu fraud has occurred in the mad dash for federal cash. The next pandemic will be (drum roll please) ….the Piloidinal Cyst Pandemic (PCP)!
The vulnerable demographic (VD) will be different than the typical flu population The VD will not be age or pre-existing conditions dependent. The most vulnerable to PCP will be those who spend most of their lives sitting on their asses: gamers / politicians (interchangeable), talk show hosts/panel members, computer programmers, Soap Opera Watchers (SOWs), and just about every American who spends eight hours or more at work sitting and then sits at home on their butts the rest of the evening. The cause of this pandemic isn’t just from sitting. There is scientific evidence somewhere that the “residue” that builds up in your crack comes from the junk that is funneled into the brain (it has to go somewhere! GIGO right?). I mean, I read it on Facebook so…! Where else could the phrase “talking out your ass” come from but a federal agency like the CDC?
So Fauci will immediately “recommend” preventive measures to control the spread of this nasty ass disease – none of which will actually impact the outcome of the grunge-gone-wild but they will make the lemmings-with-no-life and the snowflakes feel good and that’s what’s important. The first “recommendation” that will have the effect of law is for every American to wear a diaper. Yup. A diaper! The crisis zealots will proudly cut out the back of their pants so the world can see what good citizens they are by wearing a diaper. Like the mask fashion show and competition, stranger lemmings will compliment each other on the various colors and styles of the diaper while standing six feet apart on the yellow dots at MacDonald’s. The American flag will be proudly displayed on the diaper showing how patriotic the wearer is – not having the faintest idea of the irony of being manipulated by Socialists unconstitutional abridgment of their rights. Arizona governor Ducey and other political power mongers will post signs above the highways telling us to “Diaper Up! We’re All In this Together!” or “Wash Your Ass! Save a Life!”. In advertising and propaganda this is called the “band wagon approach”. Goebbels used it to convince the German masses to vote for Hitler.
The PCP is not weather related like the flue (not that THAT mattered) but has the advantage of being all-weather, year round! That means the federal bribes can keep coming year round! British Prime Minister Maggie Thatcher said once “The problem with Socialism is eventually you run out of other people’s money.” And, of course, those actually diagnosed with PCP will be quarantined in old folks homes where they will sit all day watching TV and that will make things worse! Gee, the more things change the more they stay the same!
The concomitant “Brown Shirt” PCP rats will be scurrying around looking for those sane, intelligent -and hygienic- Americans who refuse to wear a diaper and self-righteously demand “Hey! You forget your diaper?” to which you may correctly reply “No. I WASH MY ASS!”
But not to worry. If perchance you find yourself with a cyst in the crack of your ass it is easily lanced and drained like a boil and you’ll be good as new in a few days. Ask Rush Limbaugh. He used his Piloidinal Cyst to get a draft deferment from going to Vietnam. Maybe that’s why he left Missouri after dropping out of college and moved to Seattle – the draft board was breathing down his neck? I’m surprised he hasn’t filed for PTSD disability.
“The more we do to you, the less you believe we are doing it!” – Hitler’s Chief of Propaganda
“The government will become totalitarian – and they will do it under the guise of “doing it for your own good.” – Ayn Rand, Atlas Shrugged
